For me, the most painful part of the wedding process when a grown son or daughter marries has to be the selection of the “Mother of the Bride” dress. I am fully aware guests’ eyes are focused on the bride, not the mom, but the pressure to not embarrass a now-grown child and the importance of making a respectable showing weighs on me nonetheless.

My sister-in-law, whom I dearly love, is unreasonably tiny and cute after thirty-seven years of married bliss and four babies later. Time seems to have turned a blind eye to her throughout the passing years. And then there is the friend from church who is in her forties, had five babies, is tall, lean, gorgeous, can easily pass for the sister of her oldest daughter, and to top it off is a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn. I love them both, but really….

Along with a bit of participation from me, life has not dealt quite so kindly with my options in the wardrobe department. Not only do I have to be careful as to the color I wear–it’s not good to look sick when you really feel well–but dresses simply are not my friend. They are uniformly designed for a body shape I never had when I was young and certainly don’t have now.

With endearing love and affection a cherished youngest son has for his mom, and kindness in his eyes, the corners of John’s mouth turn up ever-so-slightly as he sweetly says, “Mom, you’re not fat, it’s just not distributed evenly.” to which I smile, sigh, and respond, “Yes, John, I know… ” The good news about storing extra weight in one location is: it all comes off from one spot. The bad news about storing extra weight in one location is: it all goes to one spot.

My daughters and I are in agreement that flowy pants with a lovely shirt to complement the ensemble is the best look for me. Unfortunately stores selling clothes for the bride’s mother don’t see it the same way. The market is decidedly biased toward dresses and I most definitely am not. All of these events conspire together to create a challenge before me as I take on the assigned task of locating the perfect outfit.

Having never hunted in the wild outdoors before, I imagine the process is somewhat similar to my expedition. I prepare myself for the outing being certain to not be hungry, thirsty, or particularly tired. I carefully choose the right time of day when I am most likely to claim my prize. Early is best, as I am fresh and the crowds are small and the surroundings are to my advantage. I check my supplies for easily available snacks, ibuprofen in the event of a headache, gas in the car, and a credit card fully loaded. Amply armed with the appropriate items I embark on yet another outing into the wild world of retail.

It is a unique combination of hunter and the hunted. I am simultaneously hunted by the retailers that have me in their sights wanting to bring in a good catch in the form of a customer, while I am hunting for the prize I long to have: the perfect outfit for my daughter’s wedding that I can truly wear at a later date. It is a dance of sorts, as both the retailer and I posture ourselves in anticipation of bagging our prize.

So my search continues–I encourage ALL prospective mothers of a bride or groom to always be on the lookout for just the perfect dress… or pants. If it fits and you like it, buy it. It can be so much easier to keep your eyes out for an outfit before you actually need it.

And remember. Like the song says…

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between… Johnny Mercer